Therapy part 6....

im sitting here on my pc..i have been blipping on blip.fm..and i find that relaxes me..two weeks ago..if i was stressing, id grab a couple of pills and not care that they turn me into a zombie...but now, i dumped them down the toilet and refused stronger ones today! i have never done pills in my life..and i wont now..anyway..i blip songs on blip.fm and it relaxes me..i text back and forth with my daughter and that always perks me up..and there is cpher...a lot of people dont like cats..but you have to know just by the things i tell you that hes a big part of my healing.. i guess i just need love..but its not the love a family can give you....so im counting on aley to recover..cause hopefully he will be in my future..but for right now, ill lean on my freinds and family..and speaking of friends...let me tell you about my rock n soul mate..you know im not sure if he even feels that way anymore..a couple of weeks ago..i was strung out on my pills and and i said some things that were not meant the way they sounded but it came out that way..i was sorry but he was upset....and almost ended our friendship...two years ago we met online..again, ixen...and became close friends..he was always there for me and my guardian angel,,we talked daily all that time..he has heart problems and even when he was in the hospital, he would text me...we have talked on the phone too and what a pleasure it is to hear that soft spoken english voice..hes married and has a beautiful wife and daughter..whom he loves very much...i look at him as my dearest friend..but to be honest..there was i a time when i looked at him as more..i told my therapist about it and she made me see that i was substituting him for the real thing because he was so far away, i felt safe...shes sorta thinking ill do the same thing with aley..but were going to work on it so well see..so im sure he'll read this...so i just want to say..i hope we can mend our fences..cause im doing everything i can to get well..ive even agreed to in-patient therapy if needed so i have a lot at stake..i dont think it will come to that..because i can feel myself getting stronger..and he may not realize it..but hes one of the best reasons im getting well..i love you my friend...