Therapy part 8.....

well the doctor said to write anything thats bothering me..so here goes..i told you about my boyfriend, aley and how we are back together for the fourth time ..but i didnt tell you why..we will talk for weeks and everythings fine till one day..he doesnt respond to my texts...he wont talk to me for weeks and then suddenly out of the blue..he texts me and everything is fine..weve done this three times and it looks like were on our fourth....ok..tell me if im wrong...in january, he sent me a freind request on facebook..and i hadent heard from him in months..so i was so thrilled and accepted..we started talking again and its amazing how fast we got back together.. but things went smooth til may when he told me he was going into the hospital for chemo..he went in and we talked the first few days and then he stopped responding..i have been texting him since the end of may..with no responce...is he dumping me again? or is it because hes sick...i can go on his page and he has updates on his condition.. but he cant text me so i dont worry?..i also see the comments from the girls he knows in his hometown..they want to cook him dinner when he gets out..they want to take care of him and they love him...how do i compete with that? these are girls who are actually in his life...im finally coming to the realization..thats his real life and they are there to make him happy..and thats all i want for him is to be well and happy..im a fantasy online to him...someone to talk to when hes lonely or bored..but you know what? thats not enough for me..i want someone to talk to too..when im lonely or bored..but i want the real thing..i want his arms around me..to hold me and make my world good again...and i dont think ill find that with aley..i have nothing to offer him but..me.....Linda